It all begins on a chilly October morning. A few drops of rain brush my face and scalp. A rather unsubtle reminder that autumn has well and truly arrived.
I meet a volunteer near Etterbeek-Ixelles Hospital. The plan: meet up with Mr P. and accompany him on a shopping trip to refresh his wardrobe.
Or so I thought.
A phone call from Mr P. changes our plans: we will meet him near Flagey instead.
When we arrive, we get our first surprise: Mr P. has already taken the initiative. He has bought himself a brand-new pair of trousers and some new shoes. And not just any trousers: a pair of Levi's!
I had assumed our priority would be to find him as many clothes as possible for the days ahead, so this catches me a little off guard. In my head, the maths is simple: why spend so much on one pair of jeans when you could buy three cheaper pairs?
Three pairs of jeans instead of one! Enough to refresh his wardrobe and have a little extra for the unexpected. In short, it seems like a pretty good deal on paper.
But whose paper, exactly? Mine?
Mr P. wants quality clothes because he no longer wants to look like a “tramp”. He is not just looking for something to cover himself with. He wants to choose what he wears, feel good in his clothes and decide how he presents himself.
At first, I am surprised. Then I feel admiration. Where I saw needs to be met, he saw clothes to choose. Where I was thinking about quantity, he was thinking about quality. I think I had become so focused on what he might be lacking that I had almost forgotten what he might like. I was thinking about what he needed to get through the winter; he was thinking about what he wanted to wear. And suddenly, my supposedly logical reasoning seemed a little less obvious.
And ultimately, it is not my money. I am not the one who will be wearing those jeans. Who am I to tell him that he should prefer three cheaper pairs of trousers to the pair he has chosen?
Of course, we can discuss his budget, consider different options and think through the consequences of his choices with him. But there is a difference between advising someone and deciding for them.
Mr P. has his own tastes, wishes and preferences. Even when money is tight, he should not have to give up what he likes.
The rest of the morning soon gives me a second opportunity to rethink my priorities.
Winter is approaching. In my head, the reasoning is straightforward: why not take this opportunity to buy a padded jacket? We might as well prepare for the cold before it sets in.
But Mr P. is not cold yet…
For him, today's priority is something else entirely: his identity card. He needs to renew it and have new photos taken. To be happy with the result, he first needs a spotless white T-shirt. The one he is wearing has holes in it, carefully hidden beneath his jacket. Otherwise, we probably would not even have noticed.
Off to a clothes shop. Mr P. already knows what he wants: a white long-sleeved T-shirt.
As he has no other T-shirts and his budget allows it, we suggest buying a second one. This time, he agrees. My inner budget manager can breathe a sigh of relief: we have managed to get something spare after all!
But the story does not end there.
With saving money in mind, we had planned to suggest a photo booth. A practical, quick and cheaper solution. After all, they are only a few ID photos, aren't they?
Well, no…
Mr P. already knows a professional photographer and is a regular customer of hers. For his photos, just as for his clothes, he does not want just anything. So we head to her studio, where he poses, proud to be having his new ID photos taken.
Our budget-friendly photo booth will have to wait…
On the way back, I think about those Levi's, that white T-shirt, the padded jacket we did not buy and the photo booth that remains unused.
I had set off with my own ideas about what mattered most for Mr P. I was thinking about quantity, saving money and planning ahead. He was thinking about quality, preferences and self-image.
I do not know whether all his choices were the best ones. But ultimately, was it really up to me to decide?
That morning, I had set off to accompany Mr P. on a shopping trip.
I came back with fewer certainties and quite a lesson in my bag.
- Tristan, social worker with My Way
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(*) We do our utmost to respect the privacy of our patients and our professional secrecy. However, we want to testify to how they must survive and how we are working together to reintegrate them. As a result, the names of places and people are deliberately omitted or changed and real-life situations are placed in a different context. There is no direct link between the photos and the stories above.